I wonder if it's as exhausting for my shrink to have a patient like me as it is to be a patient like me?
There's so much in my head that I want to get out, but I can't focus enough to get it to come out right. It's just a jumbled mess and nothing makes sense. A cacophony of thoughts and ideas that just keeps spinning faster and faster and it won't let me go.
The ups and downs are coming so fast that they're overlapping. Sometimes I'm just up, other times I'm just down, and the rest of the time I'm both at the same time - which seems impossible, but isn't. Right now I'm both at the same time.
I woke up after a few hours of sleep and couldn't go back to sleep. I felt like I had the worst hangover even though I hadn't had anything to drink last night. I guess it's from the physical stress on my body from this flood of ups and downs. I'm pretty sure the human body wasn't meant to sustain this state of mind for longer than a very short time. But mine doesn't seem to have gotten the memo about that, because it's not stopping. If anything, it's going even faster than last night.
I was already very vulnerable emotionally. The littlest thing would affect me on a huge scale. This is overkill on my mind and body. This is like running up to a person with a horrific migraine, holding up a strobe light in their face and screaming at the top of your lungs in their ear. Trust me, I know what that would do to them. I have migraines.
I just want it to stop.
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2 months ago
3 comments:
I know where you are right now, you are very good at describing things I also experience. Hang in there and ride out the storm. It will eventually improve.
I've been following your blog for a while now and I swear sometimes its like looking in the mirror, the rapid cycling, the cutting, the "burden" I feel I've placed on my significant other etc. I came across your page trying to find something about living as a Wiccan with bipolar disorder. I too suffer and I'm having difficulty staying true to my faith some days. The Craft has taught me so much about myself and I feel sometimes as though I am losing touch with the Goddess, not a good thing. I would love to keep in touch with you, maybe we can find a way to help each other out. I have a great incantation for controlling the panic attacks. If you would like to talk, please email me. BridgetteRene2@yahoo.com I'll share more of my story with you... it's good to know we are not alone. Stay safe, stay strong and above all Blessed Be.
thank you jon. and to anonymous - check your email.
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