A rage of mushroom cloud proportions

I've been so angry today. I've lost all tolerance and patience for almost everyone around me.

I just want to start screaming and smashing things and throwing everything I can get my hands on. My rage is threatening to explode in mushroom cloud proportions.

I hate my life. The only part I don't hate is Hubby. I love him, even when he pisses me off.

My house is a wreck again. We have no money. I have to live with a drug addict for a step-son whose only ambition in life is to have us financially support him forever so he can get high whenever he wants. His girlfriend lives with us and they fight ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Sometimes they get violent - shoving, hitting, biting each other. I can hear them arguing right now, and they're on the other end of the house with their door shut.

Hubby is turning a blind eye to his lazy ass loser drug addict son, blindly hoping that things will magically change. He doesn't have a job (isn't even looking for one), has no plans to get one although he talks a good game. But Hubby always gives him money for gas and cigarettes. Then after that's spent and we ask why he hasn't applied for any jobs, he complains that he can't find a job because he has no gas and can't pass a drug test!!! Let's face it - he won't change. We supply him with money and pay his car insurance. He has it fucking made! Why on earth would he give that up?!

I HATE financially supporting the little jerk! But Hubby overrides me every time I say no.

I don't know how much longer I can go on in this environment. I love Hubby with all my heart, and I don't want to ever lose him, but I can't go on like this forever. This chaotic and violent environment is greatly aggravating my bipolar. Yes, I know I'm cycling right now. But all this shit just adds to it! It's so fucking hard to attempt to stay calm when there's all this crap going on right in front of me.

I don't think I'd swing near as high if the tension wasn't so high in my house 24/7. I really don't. But there's nothing I can do about it, unless I'm willing to leave, which means lose Hubby. I don't know if I could bear that right now. So I'm stuck. Helplessly and hopelessly mired in the misery that is my life.

He remembers me

I got a reply from the teacher. He remembers me and our talks. He was happy to get my email and said he was glad he could help me.

He even mentioned that he remembered I was big into Drama. Wow. That means he really does remember me! I'm glad I emailed him.