Disorganized thoughts

Well, it's official. My mom is in her apartment. And of all days to move her, Mother's Day. I feel bad that I couldn't get her anything for Mother's Day. I don't know, maybe she saw us finally getting her moved in as her present. That's awful, isn't it? I'm such a bad daughter.

She seemed happy. But I'm ambivalent. I don't really know how I feel about her being gone. I do know that I miss her presence in the house. But at the same time it's not a totally bad thing. I feel more in charge again. More like one of the adults in the house. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I'm having trouble remembering to take my meds. I've missed a few times this past week. I told my doctor about it and he said as long as it isn't 3 straight days in a row I'll be ok. It hasn't been, but I need to be more on top of it. I'm already unstable as it is. I don't need more instability in my life.

This post is jumping all over the place, it seems like. My thoughts are disorganized tonight.

I feel bad that I made my shrink worry about me. I didn't mean to. I thought I was being reassuring that I wasn't in imminent danger. I guess my perception of what I conveyed was way off.

If my thoughts are disorganized, I need to be more on top of taking my meds. I was so good. It wasn't until the day I had my biopsy and missed them that I started having trouble remembering them.

Hubby said he feels really guilty about not doing anything for me for my birthday or Mother's Day. I was so tempted to tell him it's ok, but I didn't. All I said was I understand. That was hard.

I'm very anxious about tomorrow. I'm supposed to get the results of my biopsy. I'm dying to know the answer, but at the same time I'm terrified to find out. It's unreal to think there might be something seriously wrong with me. That just doesn't seem possible.

I feel like I should be posting something important, but what's coming out of my head is nothingness to me. I keep thinking that if I keep typing something will come out worth typing, but it's not working. I give up. I'm going to the store. We're out of some things we need.