Hesitant and anxious

I'm going to go to a bipolar support group. It's tomorrow at 1:30. From what I understand, it's a small group, but very tight knit. They've all known each other for quite a while.

I'm a little anxious about it. I'm afraid I'm not going to fit in or belong. I would like to get to know other people who have bipolar. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone. But honestly, I don't know if I have the energy needed to commit to that type of group. And I'm afraid.

I've been in a group like that before. I was in it for 5 years. I was in the same situation then: joining a tightly knit group of people and feeling like an outsider who didn't belong. I did open up and get close to them, but it took a long time. And then, when the group had to end, none of them kept in contact with me. I tried to keep in touch with them, but they didn't respond.

I felt abandoned. I felt like they didn't associate with me anymore because they didn't have to. What I was most afraid of was that they never really liked or accepted me, that they only acted like it to be nice to me since they had to see me every Monday.

I'm afraid of that happening again.

Ugh, I should just get some sleep and forget about this for a few hours.