I was meditating today, trying to calm some of these chaotic feelings. I'm flipping so fast that it's all blurring together. I was doing pretty good at relaxing, and then my stepson started up his crap again.
I was scared. Then I started to shake and cry. Then I screamed as loud as I could.
A friend was sympathizing and worded it perfectly. He said, "It must be so hard knowing you're barely in control of yourself, the fear that must come when someone can just flick you like a switch... it has to be terrible." He's so right.
Now I'm all chaotic again. In the last half hour, I've gone between anxious, panicky, angry, depressed, sad, flirty, and now I'm hyper and playful and mischievous. And I'm feeling very sexual and primal again. Hypersexual.
My inhibitions are going again. Along with my impulse control and judgment.
Can a person's body just short out from emotional overload?? I'm constantly swinging, the moods aren't lasting longer than maybe 10 minutes at best, a few at worst. Then another swing.
I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. It's too much. I'm in overload.
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2 months ago
1 comment:
l understand the ride. Lets hope you don't have to look back when you stop. Don't drink alc. Fill out a mood chart to allow you the power of conviance to health care providers. Don't allow yourself to fall between the cracks as many do. l don't know your situation but l do know your either not taking your meds, or they're not working. Your un-level. You need medication to allow yourself to get the sleep you need. You need to get back to a regular routine of eating, sleeping, and taking your medication. 2nd; you have to stay away from booze. 3rd; you must try to stay away from confrontation......hope this helps a little....Paul...
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