I don't know who I am anymore

In class today my shrink actually had to tell me to stop because I was being very angry and saying mean things. That's not me. I don't know who that was. I'm not the kind of person who rages like that. It scares me that I can be like that. I'm normally a very nice person, but today I was just a major bitch.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm not so angry now, just ashamed and feeling very guilty about my behavior. I'm thinking very irrationally right now about most things.

I have to get up at 8am. That's in less than 5 hours. I'm not even sleepy and I know what will happen. I'll finally fall asleep around 4:30 or 5:00 and be dead tired when my alarm clock goes off. I hope I don't sleep through it. I've done that a couple of times when I was like this.

I can't afford to miss a session with my therapist. I see her at 9am tomorrow. I didn't have a session last week because she wasn't in that day and I don't want to go another week without that support. I really need it right now. I need to hear her reassure me that I'm not going insane and that I'll get through this.

So I think I'm going to go to bed and try to get a few hours of sleep.