I've been having a run of nightmares. 5 or 6 nights a week I wake up from a nightmare. Some nights I've even had 2 or 3 the same night. Sometimes they're continuations, sometimes they're entirely new ones.
They all involve me either being attacked or chased, or loved ones being killed or coming to me and telling me they're dead.
They're very disturbing and terrifying and very realistic. So realistic, in fact, that I'm disoriented for several minutes after I wake up, not sure if I'm really awake or not. I've even gone so far as to call my mom to make sure she was actually ok after I dreamed she came to me and told me she was dead. Another night I made sure Hubby was still alive and breathing after I dreamed he was killed protecting me.
They're making me not want to go to sleep for fear of another nightmare. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now. I meant to tell my therapist, but I was focused on my problems with Hubby and forgot to bring it up.
I'm exhausted. All I want to do is go to bed and fall into a deep dreamless sleep. Hopefully I will tonight.
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6 comments:
I finally read this post tonight. I've passed it by a few times, but I'm glad I read it. Kinda feels like a South Park episode.
I've learned something. As you may recall, I've tried to study people for quite some time. Studying people is my weakness and my hazard all in one, but I am beginning to adopt a new theory. Maybe it can help you.
Is your reality being created by your nightmares? Bare with me.
It's not like your a walking Nightmare on Elm Street, but are you inadvertantly mixing the two to the point that you feel that what you are and will always be is what you fear that it may be?
I think fear is the operative word here. If you didn't recognize this fear, then your blog would not be called what it is.
I think you may be overlooking the roots of all of this. Intentionally perhaps, but damn anyone trying to keep you awake. Sleep and consciously resolve this. Determine what is self-generated and what is real.
With all of the greatest intentions...
CP
This is awful. Could it be related to PMS or medication? I hope you start getting peaceful sleep.
Are you taking any kind of nighttime meds - anything new? Have you tried journaling your nightmares? I tried that once, and after about a month, I found out there was a true "issue" my mind was trying to tell me. It was bizarre.
Ok, here's my amateur psychologist analyzation of your nightmares. Your dreams are all "death" related, but the people dying are the ones telling you about it, therefor, not really dead in the physical sense. Following so far? Ok so what have you been feeling lately? 1. disconnected, from hubby in particular. Spiritual and emotionally "dead". 2. Feeling like maybe your issues are adding some extra weight to others' lives. "killing" them. 3. Because of your issues the people around you will leave or abandon you, "die off". My suggestion is you confront these manifestations head on. Talk with those close to you. Maybe you feel an apology is owed for leaning on them so much, not that you shouldn't be able to but let them know it is appreciated. I know sometimes my beloved has a hard time dealing with the pressures of my episodes. Ask them to continue to be supportive and remind them that it helps you to hear they care about you. That in order to live with this condition you need a WELL EXPRESSED support system.
take a few nytols. or xanax if you prefer the heavier stuff. but usually some 4-5 nytols make me fall into the most wonderful sleep ever!!
peace sister.
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