I'm feeling very sad and angry. Why did this happen to me? Why couldn't I be happy and normal? Why was I singled out for a life of misery?
I went out to the lake about an hour ago, about midnight or so. I was going to cut my arm while I listened to the sounds of the water lapping against the dock. Unfortunately, there's only 1 light pole out there (which is nowhere near the dock) and the moon is just a sliver, so it was pitch black and I couldn't see a thing.
So I drove around for at least an hour looking for somewhere that's lit but private so I could cut. I can't do it here at home - no privacy. The only place that I could find was too close to a parking lot where there were some police.
I could just see it... Officer: "What were you planning on doing with these utility blades?" Me: "Cut my arm" Officer: "We're going to have to take you in to be evaluated" And just like that, off to the hospital! Great! :-(
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2 months ago
2 comments:
Hi Arianna,
Do you think maybe you should talk to your counselor or pdoc about this? It kinda sounds like it might be serious & that perhaps you should. There are lots of us in the webring & it helps me sometimes to read the blogs of others...that way I know I'm not alone in this. The webring's home page is:
www.bipolarplanet.blogspot.com
Thanks for your concern Jane. Yes, I'm going to talk to my shrink about it this week when I see him. I agree with you that this is serious and I need help. For the first time I'm going to ask for help.
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