Bipolar math

Let's look at it this way: For about 4 months I was suffering constantly. Then I had about a month of freedom. If you look at that for a year's time, then 10 out of 12 months I'm in anguish. I get 2 months off a year. Looking back, that sounds about right. Is 2 months out of a whole year worth it? What's really scary is if you multiply that times 50 years. I don't even want to do the math on that one. I shouldn't do the math. That would just make it worse.

Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get an extra month of respite every few years. And let's not forget that bipolar if not treated (or in my case, unsuccessfully treated) only gets worse as time goes on. So I'm looking at a massive chunk of my life spent in unending pain from this. Almost my entire life left, actually.

How do I face that?