The Episode that wouldn't end

Sounds like a 1950's B horror movie, doesn't it? Well, I guess it kinda is. Although, what played on my screen would never have been on the silver screen back then. I got hit with a major manic swing today. I was in an electronics store and this guy turned the bass up really loud on some speakers. Normally that would irritate me to no end and I'd be thinking about how rude he was. Not today.

I had just a flash of the irritation, then I heard the music. It was the kind they play at raves. That was all it took. I wanted to start dancing right there in the store. Poor hubby. He walked into that store with a sober wife, walked out with a drunk one who wanted to party.

I really didn't want to go home. I went so far as to tell hubby that if he didn't go home I'd flash him right there in the truck. I thought he'd declined the offer, but when we passed the street we live on I was thrilled. And yes, I flashed him, lol. That's so very unlike me. All I wanted to do was for him to find a place to pull over so we could have sex. I didn't really even care if it was secluded or not. The thought of people seeing us have sex actually fueled my passion and mania.

Eventually we went home, and I started to come down from the high. I can't believe I acted like that. But there's still tendrils of today's swing. I'm still feeling very sexual. And I still feel like I want to run away.

It's probably not a good thing that I won't be seeing my doc for 5 weeks since he's out of town. Before he left he lowered my lithium due to side effects. That was only last Thursday. 4 days ago. And I've already had a breakthrough of off the chart mania. I know I've been mixed for a month now, but I'll tell you... the way I was today, I haven't been that high since the mania first hit. That one was so severe I'm lucky I wasn't hospitalized. Since then, it's been low to medium level intensity. Until today, that is. And I can feel it just beneath the surface, like a cat, coiled, waiting to strike. I gotta tell you. It felt awesome. Especially compared with how I've been feeling this past week or so.

I know I should call my clinic in the morning even though my doc is out of town, but I'm not sure I want to. Today felt really great. I know, I know. The problem is, it won't stay that way. The spending will go out of control, the thoughts won't slow down - only go faster, the sleep will disappear - so will the eating, and I won't be able to slow down at all. The switch will get stuck in overdrive. So although this is the fun part, I know it doesn't last. And I really hate the other parts. I guess I'll call them and let them know. The funny thing is, I'm 100% compliant with my meds. I don't know what they'll be able to do.

Just on a side note: tomorrow I'm buying 2 tickets to the Beltane Bash. Hubby and I are going, even though he's Christian and it's a pagan party. I'm the pagan one in this household. :-) I'm very excited because I thought the tickets were all gone, but I found out tonight that there's still a few left! I'm getting them first thing in the morning! Now I just have to figure out what to wear.