Morphed into the child again

I get so angry at myself when I morph into the needy, over-emotional, suicidal child. Yet I don't know how to stop it.

If I'm suicidal, it's almost always between 1-5 am. I can only think of a few times that I was seriously suicidal during the day. Those were when I wasn't sleeping at all and saw too many sunrises. All of my suicide attempts have happened in the middle of the night, when I'm most impulsive and have the least control.

I know this is a dangerous time for me. The obvious answer would be to not be awake during the middle of the night. The only problem is that I'm a major night owl.

Pretty messed up, isn't it?

I had a bad few hours tonight, but I'm coming out of it, thanks to two wonderfully supportive people who helped me through the worst of it. I'm going to bed before it hits again.