Sleep deprevation and cocktails

I need sleep. I'm so sleep deprived that I can't see straight. I'm getting 6-9 hours in bed, but that is broken into bouts of sleep that are no longer than 1 1/2 hours each. No one can get any decent rest that way.

My thoughts have turned to my meds. I have 4 different prescriptions that can help. 2 are specifically for sleep: Ambien and Lunesta. The other 2 are for anxiety but produce lots of drowsiness: Klonopin and Ativan. They were prescibed to me not only for anxiety, but for sleep as well.

The goal is to get a full night of sleep without waking up until late morning. The problem is, not one of them on their own has done the trick. Last night I took ambien and in less than 2 hours I was wide awake and pissed off that I was awake. It used to work for me. So, about an hour later I decided I was sick of this crap and took a double dose of ativan. I eventually fell back asleep and slept for maybe 3 more hours before waking up yet again. I did fall back asleep and got a couple more hours. But I feel like I didn't sleep at all last night.

I'm achey, exhausted, and cranky as all hell.

So what cocktail should I try tonight? I'd prefer to avoid the Lunesta, simply because it gives you a nasty taste in your mouth after taking it. Yuck. And I need to try to balance it so that I'll be able to wake up by noon tomorrow. I have to be at my CBT class by 1pm awake and alert. I could just see it now if I were to walk in still stoned out of my mind on sleep meds. My shrink would of course ask why I was like that and I'd have to tell him. I don't lie to him. He would flip if he knew I was playing with my meds. Say I was being reckless and a danger to myself. Not a good scenario. It wouldn't end well for me.

I know I'm not supposed to play with my meds. Normally I don't. I'm not the one with the medical degree hanging on my wall. But it's after midnight and I'm freaking desperate. My pattern hasn't changed: sleep problems start, spiral downhill fast, and I end up taking reckless action out of desperation. It's amazing what a person will do for sleep.

I think I'll try an ambien, ativan, and klonopin. Just 1 each. We'll see how that goes.